Being Filled Yet Unfulfilled

I am only a few pages in Henri J.M Nouwen’s book entitled “The Dances of Life – Weaving Sorrows and Blessings Into One Joyful Step” but I’m already thoroughly enjoying it. The book is actually a collection of some of his writings which express his thoughts of the struggle in achieving a deeper relationship with God through the darkness, loneliness, and turmoils of life’s challenges. How can the Christian life be marked with absolute joy when life can be so lonely, painful, and dark? He of course, shares his own experiences when answering this question.

Right at the beginning of this year, I chose as my resolution for 2008 for my life to be full of more joy. It was only a couple weeks later when I received a call from IJM regarding a possible interest to serve in the Philippines. My initial excitement about IJM turned to doubt which turned to fear which then turned to certainty which turned to excitement again and so on and son on. All throughout, I was repeatedly reminded about my new commitment to be a person of more joy. This continues to be my prayer everyday for myself and Megumi while we are here. If we cannot serve and live here without joy, then we should pack up and return home. Joy is what legitimizes our faith – it must. Without joy, why would anyone even consider the Christian life and following Christ? This kind of faith – this kind of life - would be an absurd one.

Below is the first part of a passage found in the forward section written by Michael Ford. He writes about Nouwen’s intriguing idea of what makes a fulfilled life and what characterizes an absurd one. Note the emphasis on listening.

By the way, we are enjoying ourselves here. The times we have felt discouraged or despair have only been an invitation to seek God even more deeply. This is what Nouwen reminds me to do in his writings.

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Ford writes about Nouwen:

After testing his vocation as a monk and a missionary, Henri Nouwen gave up the academic life in his mid-fifties to become a pastor among women and men with developmental disabilities.

“I’m a very restless person but L’Arche became for me the place where I really came home. There’s nothing in me that desires to go anywhere else. I’m still a restless person but in the deeper places of myself I really feel I”ve found home. In many ways the little ones, the people with limited gifts, have become for me those who have called me home. In their simplicity they reveal for me God’s love.

Henri Nouwen was always “on the way home” and he knew fellow sojourners needed sustenance for that journey back into the heart of God. In one of his many articles, he writes that, just as a creative dialogue with other human beings cannot be simply left to our natural responses, so our intimate conversation with God needs formation and training. Nouwen characterizes the spiritual life as one in which we struggle from absurd living to obedient living. The word “absurd” is, in fact, derived from the Latin surdus meaning “deaf.” Absurd living is a way of life in which we remain deaf to the voice which speaks to us in our silence. The many activities in which we might be involved , the many concerns that keep us preoccupied, and the multitude of sounds that surrounds us make it difficult for us to hear the small voice through which God makes his presence known. Nouwen says that it seems as though the world in which we live “conspires against our hearing that voice and tries to make us absolutely deaf.” It is therefore not surprising that we often wonder, in the midst of our personal concerns and obsessions, if anything is actually happening that is worth living for. “Being filled yet unfulfilled, being busy yet bored, being involved yet lonely, these are the symptoms of the absurd life,” he comments.