Counting

The passing of my Lola has led to me feeling sorry for myself again. I want so much to be with my family and even contacted a travel agent about possible travel arrangements to California for the memorial service next week. Not wanting to leave Megumi and the kids alone here in Cebu, we considered packing them all up for Japan three weeks earlier than planned. In the end, it just was not going to happen. Last year, I lost my Auntie Gloria and was not able to make it to her memorial service despite wanting so desperately to. This is life when you are a long distance away from family.

Megumi and I did count the cost prior to coming out here. Luke 14, in all its red letters, tells us not to begin anything unless you have counted the cost. As a gesture of support, some people helped us count the cost prior to packing up and leaving for Cebu for a year and came to one conclusion - we were crazy.

We knew it was going to cost us the following:

- Russ' secure job at Orange County Children's Services and the accompanying benefits - retirement, a huge account of paid leave.
- Disruption of Hana's education and the beautiful experiences of learning and friendship with her teacher and classmates
- Separation from friends, playmates, playdates, and meal sharing
- Separation from family, celebrations, gatherings, funerals, and other life events
- diminished health, greater stress, and greater exposure to all the bad stuff in the developing world
- adjustments and transitions, including returning back in a few weeks with no job lined up, hardly any savings or money in the bank, and the demands of first world living.

We are taught to count the cost prior to starting, but I find myself still counting, and I find myself ashamed. The following quote by J.C. Ryle reminds me of its futility:

"Go to the cross of Christ, all you that want to be delivered from the power of selfishness. Go and see what a price was paid there to provide a ransom for your soul. Go and see what an astounding sacrifice was there made, that a door to eternal life might be provided for poor sinners like you. Go and see how the Son of God gave Himself for you, and learn to think it a small thing to give yourself to Him."

Today I read Philippians 3:7-10 which reminds me that the counting does not necessarily need to stop, as long as it leads to one conclusion. I'm sharing the paraphrase from The Message just to give a "fresh" perspective:

I'm tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I've dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn't want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God's righteousness.

I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.

Hahahahah - dog shit! I love it! And if you're offended by the language, imagine how put off God feels when we compare retirement accounts or other inferior stuff to the joy and privilege of knowing Him (Thanks Pastor D. Cortez for this illustrative inspiration here).

Memo to self: Go all the way with Him - don't hold back. Bet the entire house on Him. He is worth it in the end. Everything else is crap in comparison to embracing Him. Count on it.