Don't Ever Leave Me

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. – Winnie the Pooh

One of my greatest fears as a child was losing my parents. I remember when I was boy (not sure how old), I would become very distressed when my parents went out somewhere and did not come back in time. I would wait anxiously by the window as darkness fell, wondering what could have happened to them. Of course, my first thought was a car accident. I remember seeing headlights coming towards our driveway only turning elsewhere, and how this made me even more nervous. And then I remember how relieved I felt when our yellow station wagon finally pulled into the driveway. Just to ensure that it was my parents, I remember asking them certain questions (don’t remember what they were) just to make sure they were not aliens or ghosts. Seriously.

“Yes – my (real) parents are home!” – what a relief for a neurotic boy like myself after they passed the quiz.

We never want to say goodbye to our parents. It is a fear that we never really outgrow.

Lately, we are hearing similar fears from our children. Last month, Megumi spent the evening with some missionary wives. Well, our children would not have it, and they cried and cried as she walked away and were left alone with their father – as if I was a stranger with a third eye on his forehead and horns on his head. Of course they calmed down, yet repeatedly asked “When is mommy coming home.” My five year old son, Sei would wait by the window – which brought me back to my own childhood. And then his question –

“What if mommy dies? What are we going to do?”

That was the first time I heard such a thing from Sei. I chuckled knowing that I was the same kind of boy. I didn’t know what to say, other than “She’s not going to die – she’s just right down the street” - which was the God-honest truth. Literally about 100 yards a way. All was well when mama came home. But I was still shaken with the thought though- "what would we do without mommy?"

And then there is our ten-year old daughter, Hana, who has inherited every neurotic trait from her father. Recently she has expressed her fears, even to tears, about losing Megumi or I. With the passing of my Lola, Hana was again crying tonight saying that she just wants Jesus to come so no one that she loves will die.

I remember seeing my mom at the bedside of my Lolo when he was nearing his final days. She and her sister would cry out “Papa, I need you, papa I need you.” Imagine that – a grown woman saying to her 90 year-old plus father that she still needed him nearby.

But isn’t that the cry of each of our hearts? To have a father who will never leave us? “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” - Matthew 28:20

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." - Hebrews 13:5

Slowly, I have released my parents (who are still around by the grace of God) and all those I love (including Megumi and the kids) to the loving arms of Abba Father. It is a still a fear of mine to live even one day without them. But it grips me less, knowing the beautiful things that await all of us when Papa returns for good.

"Yes, I am coming soon." - Revelation 22:20