Relationship - The Agent of Change

At My Refuge House, we receive children and young women who carry deep wounds emotionally, and in some cases, have endured or even inflicted pain upon themselves as a result of their trauma. I remember while in social work grad school, one of my professors reminded us that the pain of our clients is a gift to the helping professional. Whenever someone shares their story of pain, opens themselves and expresses their deepest feelings, they entrust you with a part of themselves not openly shared with others. This professor added one idea that has stuck with me throughout the years - the change agent in our work is the relationship between the helping professional and client - a relationship built on trust, empathy, and unconditional regard.

Relationship is the agent of change - deep down inside, all of us know this to be true.

Whether you are in a helping proffession, or not, if you are a Christ follower, you are also called to a similar path - to come along side those who are hurting. The question is, are you willing to be that one person. If you have experienced grace, you will find yourself naturally coming alongside the hurting. Your heart will not allow you to ignore them.

As counselor and author of A Gift of Hope: How We Survive Our Tragedies, Robert Veninga states "Almost without exception, those who survive a tragedy give credit to one person who stood by them, and gave them a sense of hope.”

In my several years working with abused children and especially adolescents and teenagers, I have come to conclude a very simple practice principle in working with them - "It's all about connection." Teeangers, despite their behaviors and attitudes that fight off authority and adults, are desperately seeking someone they can trust. Unfortunately, too many people, including some parents, give up on them.

I have recently finished reading a great book by counselor and youth worker, Marv Penner - Hope & Healing For Kids Who Cut. This book has helped us formulate some ideas on how our staff can respond to the girls in our care. If you know someone or if you are one of those who suffer from this kind of pain, there are many resources out there, including the folllowing list of books about self-injury.


Invariably, the message is clear - we can help bring healing through our relationship with the one who is hurting. Penner calls it the "relational response." It is about being that special kind of person who is willing to courageously and compassionately come alongside someone else.

Imagine that - all a hurting person needs is one person. Are you willing to be that One? By God's grace (which we have received), we can and should.