Under Pressure

Today I went to a job interview at Loyola Law School. It was my first interview in nearly two months. The social worker position is with the law school's Center of Juvenile Law and Policy.

Of course, I gussied myself in my dark navy blue suit, white spread collar shirt, and yellow tie - the same costume I wore over four months ago when I had interviewed for the first time upon my return back to California. Nearly 50 applications have been submitted since that interview - which is one of the handful (perhaps five?) I have had.

I must admit that I felt the heavy pressure last night, the drive up Interstate 5 into downtown LA, and as I parked into the adjacent parking structure. I couldn't fight off the fact that I have been without work or salary for the last five months, had three kids and a very pregnant wife to provide for, and very few call backs or interviews in what has been a very unfruitful job search. My stomach was in knots as I waited for my interview, the tie around my dress shirt choking me like a noose.

I took deep breaths and prayed. The oxygen and a breath of assurance from my Heavenly Father was all I needed to go into the conference room, where four woman - two attorneys, one PhD, and one social worker awaited to ask me lots and lots of questions. I was able to relax and for the most part, handled the questions as best I could. It's a weird thing to say, but I almost experienced the entire interview in slow-motion. There was little panic or anxiety knowing I already knew what I knew and experienced what I have experienced. All I needed to do was convey them and execute. In other words, just be myself.

I don't ever know how to read these situations afterwards - how I came across or how they found or experienced me. Afterwards, there was obvious relief. The first thing I did as I walked away was loosen my noose. Job interviewing when you're wife is 8 plus pregnant is not for the faint-hearted. But there is peace knowing that you are who you are.

And God is who is He is.