How Long, O Lord

This last weekend, during a Bermejo family gathering, which included chafing dishes full of pancit noodles, rellenong bangus, beef prime rib, seafood crab, and fresh tightly wrapped lumpia, I had the chance to catch up with my Auntie Sonia. Just a few weeks ago, she had treated Megumi, the kids, and I to dinner at Hokkaido Seafood Buffet (where there were also ungodly amounts of food), but this encounter had the time of space for sharing our hearts.

My aunt, who has always been so loving throughout the years, encouraged me to be remain faithful to God and not be afraid or discouraged. She reminded me that what I was going through was warfare and the enemy wanted to steal my joy through worry, discouragement, and doubt. And then she told me she could see Our Heavenly Father looking down at me smiling at me. She kept on repeating how pleased He must be in me and that she just felt compelled to share this image. As I sat there taking all of this in, I was almost brought to tears. The thought of Abba Father smiling at me meant everything to me. I gave my auntie a hug and told her that I loved her.

Several days ago I shared that I had asked Him "How Long, O Lord?" I didn't know exactly who had asked it and where in Scripture it was found. But it didn't surprise me that I later found it in the Psalms written by David.

Aside from the raw honesty, there were two lines that struck me particularly.

"How long must I take counsel in my soul." - when I read this, what I imagined was someone who had simply become weary from the self-talk and even the encouragement from others as a result of his season of suffering. The experience of running a marathon or half marathon reminds me of this. Towards the end of the race, the increasing question amidst all the self-cheering and those from others, is "how much longer?" Fatigue sets in and what you need is relief.

But David does not give up on God and neither will I. I love the verse "I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me." . Imagine a table where your enemies are set before you, yet your cup runs full.

Gratitude is everything because it is where you experience generosity. I have tasted this in huge ways the last 5-6 months. The table is always full in my house. And my Father is pleased.
Psalm 13 - How Long, O LORD?
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.