Mid-life Crisis

About six weeks ago (April 17th), I turned 40 years old. I look at my 30s as the most glorious years of my life thus far. I was able to accomplish some life-long dreams, including completing a marathon and serve overseas in the Philippines. I also grew into becoming a husband, a father, and most importantly a disciple and lover of Jesus. And I expect my next ten years to be even better. I had my mid-life crisis in my early 30s when I re-dedicated my life to one singular pursuit - to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. My life mission or job description was now crystal clear. From that point on, my life has never been the same. I was determined that I would live it for His glory, not mine and that I would not waste it by desiring lesser things. There was no more confusion about His will for me. I discovered relationship despite religion, and had the first taste of freedom in Christ. I experienced the Holy Spirit in real ways and finally heard God's voice - really.

I should admit that there was a a period of grieving. One of the books that created the crisis was Dietrich Bonhoeffer's formative read - The Cost of Discipleship. The quote - “When Christ calls a man, he bid him come and die" absolutely shook me. I knew the path of love that God was calling me would cost me everything.

I have no need to go and buy a Corvette, get a tattoo, or get a vasectomy. I look forward to my 40's because it means my love affair will only get sweeter. I expect a life of more risk and adventure as I become more satisfied in Him. Of course, I still have a family to care and provide for. But I've already given them back to Him. My greatest fear of losing them has less of a grip on me. So this is freedom.

Of course you only learn to take risk when you know you're loved. We know this to be true in child development (see Erickson's trust vs. mistrust) and it is certainly true in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. As a father myself, I now have similar dream for my children.

By the way, you might wonder what God said when he spoke to me. Okay - it wasn't an audible voice less you think I'm certifiably nuts. But it was as clear as any voice I've ever heard - the weight even heavier. This is what he said:

"I love you. I love you."