This Is Where I Am
One of the common questions that we get these days is about the culture shock being back in Orange County. I was bracing myself to return after one year in the Philippines and despise all that is around here in Orange County. To my suprise, I have experienced very little of that. Instead, what we have experienced is what Megumi and I have missed most deeply during our time away - enjoying being in the close presence of family and friends. Which leads to the current tension Megumi and I are facing these days - despite the joy we have experienced serving and living in Cebu the last 12 months -
We are less than excited about returning back to Cebu next week.
I did not anticipate feeling this way and perhaps much of it is circumstantial (ie. maybe we'll be amped ready to return in a few more weeks). But seeing my children having the greatest time the last couple weeks has been both a joy and struggle for me. Seeing Megumi connect with her close friends has also been the same thing. And for me, being caught in the middle of a work and or calling that has captured me and the whispers of calling to return back "home" reminds me once again that the life of faith is an ongoing journey - full of tension and certainty, joy and creeping doubt.
It's always an amazing thing when you come across a worship song which captures the state of your heart, and today, such a song found me (Thank you JC & Mel for sharing it). The song is Somewhere in the Middle by Casting Crowns, and it grabbed me because this is where I am. Today and everyday - I find myself somewhere between shadowing doubt and reckless faith, between my plans and His calling, between who I am and who He is shaping me to be. But the assurance found in the last lines of the song and the remarks expressed at the end of the video by Mark Hall mean everything to me. My Heavenly Father is with me and loves me not matter where I'm at in the journey.
Where in the middle do you find yourself today? Know that He is right there with you loving you the same.
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
We are less than excited about returning back to Cebu next week.
I did not anticipate feeling this way and perhaps much of it is circumstantial (ie. maybe we'll be amped ready to return in a few more weeks). But seeing my children having the greatest time the last couple weeks has been both a joy and struggle for me. Seeing Megumi connect with her close friends has also been the same thing. And for me, being caught in the middle of a work and or calling that has captured me and the whispers of calling to return back "home" reminds me once again that the life of faith is an ongoing journey - full of tension and certainty, joy and creeping doubt.
It's always an amazing thing when you come across a worship song which captures the state of your heart, and today, such a song found me (Thank you JC & Mel for sharing it). The song is Somewhere in the Middle by Casting Crowns, and it grabbed me because this is where I am. Today and everyday - I find myself somewhere between shadowing doubt and reckless faith, between my plans and His calling, between who I am and who He is shaping me to be. But the assurance found in the last lines of the song and the remarks expressed at the end of the video by Mark Hall mean everything to me. My Heavenly Father is with me and loves me not matter where I'm at in the journey.
Where in the middle do you find yourself today? Know that He is right there with you loving you the same.
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
posted by ERuss at
8:15 PM
3 Comments:
Thank you to my brother, Trevin, who shared this amazing passage in Philippians 3:12-14 as a way to encourage me as I was being caught in the middle. Notice the middle position Paul finds himself and the instruction on what to do -
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
I am always deeply moved by your entries. You and your family are amazing.
Praying for you guys :)
Blessings-
Tiffany
Tiffany, so glad to hear from you. Thank you for your encouragement. As you can see, I've met up with Trevin - that boy is a crack-up! Wondering how God is working in your life these days....Keep in touch....
Russ
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